The eternal sunshine of the creative mind.

I was on TV today. 

Don't worry, you didn't miss anything. It'll be broadcast sometime next spring, and it's really no biggie. But the wheels are really spinning a lot faster now. Stadium gigs, some modest TV and radio appearances, bigger crowds and a solid reputation as a performer. In only a little more than a year.

Because about a year ago I decided to turn my small business into a corporation, and become a CEO for real. The biggest problem with that was, of course, that when you've spent about ten years as the only employee, you get accustomed to being your own boss, your own marketing department, your IT-department, accounting, PR, human resources person and, in my case: the product itself. 

And with that comes the expectations and standards you set for yourself. Mine has always been to never be satisfied, to grow and challenge myself in whatever I do. And that also means that the bar has been raised over and over again, only stopping at some levels, when I've achieved one of the bigger goals I set for myself. But I get restless and anxious whenever I stay too long and admire what I've done. Because I know I can do better. I can amount to so much more than what people think. So i throw myself into another situation where I have to be on my toes all the time, adapting to the new surroundings and picking up the basics as I go. 

But the biggest change in becoming a CEO is this: Where do I draw the line between myself as a corporate person, where do I stop being an artist, and what do I do with the time when I'm not at the office or on stage?

Because that's where I am now. I've grown so attached to the music part of me, which in essence IS who I am. But as that part has evolved into a business, and almost an industry, I also realize that I do have to have some kind of private side to myself, beyond the mic, the guitar, the stage and the office.

And the way I was presented during today's session in front of the TV cameras made me question once again what I call myself. I am a musician, but as I'm usually doing gigs by myself and I play guitar, the average Swede would label me a troubadour.

That term, (in Swedish anyway), doesn't apply to me anymore. I'm too much of an entrepreneur to agree to that description. Because when people hear that, they instantly see me as someone sitting in a shabby bar, doing some mediocre version of Hotel California, not really putting any effort in the performance at all. Whereas I go on stage with a plan to make whatever crowd I'm in front of return every ounce of energy I give to them. Most nights i get so much more than I give, and that balances the nights where everything goes to hell.

(I know that not everyone agrees with me on the definitions of a troubadour here, but in my years on and off stage, that's my perception of what it all boils down to in this bouillabaisse they call life)

Sure, I do my share of bar-gigs. And they can be awesome, don't get me wrong. But I challenge the people I play for, by doing songs they wouldn't expect, and I try to take myself out of that category that by default turns me into a musician that in some ways has already given up. I know a lot of people in the industry in this country, and there's no one that I know of that goes to work with a sense of "what's the use?". I'm damn proud to be in the presence of anyone who takes a shot at this life, makes it work, builds a career and find someone that they can actually start a family with. 

I had a chat with a guy during a coffee break in the artist lounge today. He talked about the way that speaking in front of a small crowd can be so scary as opposed to a somewhat larger one. And then he added: "Well you as a troubadour would know the feeling, right?"

And as I relayed the feeling I had on stage in front of 60.000 people at Ullevi last summer, and the way you kind of lost the feeling of a crowd of people, and more like a unified wall of indistinct faces, he looked at me with his jaw down by his ankles. 

"Are you famous or something?"

"Well yes. In some way I guess I am famous. People just don't know it yet."

And that's what's gonna change in 2016. I just need to find the balance between the entrepreneur, the visionary, the musician, the tech nut, the writer, the creator, the planner, the IT-dude, and the ordinary guy.

I'll probably do what any CEO would do.

I'll hire someone for that...

Am I wrong? Any CEO's willing to give their point of view? Feel free to comment below.